Black Beans Galore
Miserable. Pitiful. Depressed. Hungry. CONVICTION. All in day one…yes, that’s what I felt. To be frank…I was upset.
I had my second grocery store failure when I stopped to buy a bag of black beans. No. I am not an efficient shopper. Yes. I went to the grocery story two days in a row. And, yes. I still have items left to purchase. I almost renamed my blog Confessions of a Fasting Supermarket Dweller. The shelf of beans was full of red beans, split peas, kidney beans but of course…no black beans. Two days after New Years Day and there were piles of black-eyed peas…but not a black bean in sight. But I had planned my first meal: slow cooked black beans over brown rice with pico de gallo and corn salsa. Preparation does not always equate occurrence. I went home empty-handed and had humus and whole grain flat bread for dinner.
One of my accountability partners and I sat in the basement of my apartment reflecting on Daniel 10. It was a mix between study and praise and worship. We couldn’t help but get up and dance when Judith McAllisters’ “To Our G-d” cued, followed by crying when “My Worship Is For Real” played on iTunes. Once again, I immediately felt conviction because I was complaining about food…food…of all things…food. I have never wondered where my next meal was coming from or when it would arrive. A few moments earlier I evened eyed my humus with despise.
“Just as complaining about the cold makes the wind bite harder, me complaining about fasting is just making the days longer.”
Saints I will not look back at this 21 day period and say “I had to do without.” Instead I will look back at the doors that have been opened. I will look back at the areas of weakness that have been revealed and I will work earnestly to make them stronger. I will look back in self-reflection so that I am better prepared for the next time around. And I promise to do this without complaint!
